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Something I wrote a long time ago…worth re posting – a reminder to myself:
Today I saw…
an adorable little girl filled to overflowing with enthusiasm and anticipation. Her eyes sparkled as she looked up at a vending machine that was filled with treasures in the form of peanuts, chips and candy bars. A woman, standing near, was digging in a purse searching for change that would release one of the treasures to the wiggling, giggling and trembling child. As the woman searched, she spoke quietly to the little girl, telling her that she would pick out something very special just for her. An even bigger smile stretched wide across the child’s face and her little hands clinched tight into fists as she raised them up, shoulder high. They moved in quick small jerks backward and forward as the excitement built with the thought of the soon to be delivered unknown treasure. She quickly shifted her weight from one foot to the other, dancing a dance of joy with just the mere thought of what was to come. Her mother, with change now in hand, smiled down at her child and winked.
The child looked at her mother, then back at the machine and quickened her dance steps as the coins were dropped into the slot one by one. Each coin that was released brought squeals of utter joy, each squeal louder than the one before. Finally, with all the coins dispensed, the mom pushed a couple of buttons and a coil began to rotate very slowly. I found myself watching with breath held for the “drop”, wondering how the little child would react when she finally had the purchased treasure in her hands.
Thud! The treasure now rested in the bin waiting patiently to be claimed.
Suddenly, everything was very still and quiet. The little girl bent cautiously over and peered deep into the dark bin. Next, she looked at the hand of her mother that was holding open the covering of the drop bin and then her eyes ran up the arm of her mom and finally into the face smiling down at her. “Go ahead, it’s okay.” the woman said lovingly. The tiny face looked again into the bin and then, instead of reaching in and taking possession of what was her whole desire just moments before; she threw her little arms around the legs of her mother squealing again with delight. “Tant tu, tant tu, tant tu!” she said over and over.
With treasure momentarily forgotten, all energy and joy from this tiny child was refocused, as she expressed her love and thankfulness to her mother for providing.
…As I quietly walked away, tears ran down my face. I thought of my heavenly Father and all that he has provided for me and I prayed silently…..Dear Lord, help me to be as this child. Filled with unbridled, joyful, trusting anticipation for whatever you provide for me and to place you before it all in honest, open, and genuine gratitude.
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When I sleep – I dream.
I have my fair share of nightmares but I also dream of things that make me happy, especially if I’ve not been able to do them. Sometimes I’m not even aware of how much I’m missing and longing for something until I wake up from dreaming about it feeling gratified and relaxed.
In the past it’s been common for me to dream of of sewing, rocking a little one, attending church, teaching a ladies bible study, teaching a teen girls Sunday School class, fishing, swimming, cooking, etc. All things I enjoy and all things I miss at times.
Last night was such a night. My dreams were of singing. Not just singing but performing. Song after song. Some loud and long. Some quiet and soulful. I was singing at churches, fairs, in parks, anywhere and everywhere. I don’t remember anything about the people that were listening, though I know they were there. I only remember the music and singing.
I woke up many times but went right back into the same type of dream when I fell back asleep (being able to go back to sleep is very rare for me of and in itself).
What a blessing………….fulfilling, restful, and enjoyable dreams. Almost a good as the real thing. *almost*
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I used to love “weather”. Sunny and hot meant swimming or fishing, wind meant listening to the amazing sound the leaves make as they tango on the branches, clouds meant cooler cuddling temperatures, thunder / lightning was great with the electricity in the air and the vivid visual art dancing across the sky, and most of all rain. Rain with it’s phenomenal smell that can’t be duplicated, the sound of the it hitting the roof, windows, the moisture that lingers in the air even after it’s stopped and a rainbow that stretches across the sky like a giant hug from God. While all that remains the same and I am still grateful sadly a change in weather now also means I am trapped inside my home and usually having to miss church and I hate missing church………………….
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People have all sorts of dreams…and down through the ages people have tried to figure out what they mean. Here’s mine from last night. Wonder what it could possibly mean lol.
I was visiting a church in Kentucky-it was a little tiny church building in a little tiny town. The church sat in the middle of a very large grassed area that sat right on the corner of 2 country type roads. The large, old sign read “Church on the Corner” Baptist Church. When I got there (early) the church yard was already full of people hugging, talking, all looking happy and excited to be there. They were “almost” overly welcoming but I didn’t mind, it only added to my anticipation of what was to come and their enthusiasm. Shortly after I arrived the bell in the bell tower began to ring and everyone moved into the little white church building. It had 2 columns of wooden pews and there were large windows that ran down both sides of the church flooding the inside with bright sunlight. It had been warm and sticky outside but the inside of the church was cool and comfortable. I sat close to the front and watched as the people poured in. Some taking folding chairs from the back wall to sit in because the pews were full to overflowing. A nervous, but smiling young man stepped up to the side of a very old, very worn wooden pulpit, welcomed everyone and opened in a simple prayer. His nervousness left as he lifted his arms as the music began. Then the singing started. All those voices in that small wooden building echoed and bounced off the walls filling that place with an old hymn in a way I’ve never heard before..What joy flowed thorough me. On and on the music went…uplifting, enthusiastic. Then the pastor stepped behind the pulpit and the KJV bible he carried with him was opened. WOW— the preaching! It was intense, energetic, spirit filled and full of scripture. People everywhere said “amen”, “preach it Pastor”, “park it there” some seemed to be so excited they were having trouble staying in their seats. It went on for well over an hour and no one looked irritated or frustrated at the length of time. I hung on every word and was filled to overflowing with the spiritual meal served. When the preaching came to an end the prayer began and, yes I know it was just a dream, but the prayer was more intense, more moving, and even more heaven reaching than all that had come before it. You had to “be there” to understand.
So I don’t know what you did last night but I had a good old fashioned church meetin’. It was more than amazing and it was just what I needed!!!!!
With the moon and darkness only,
night time weeps so lonely.
Though nothing from the day has changed,
reality appears so rearranged.
Normal sounds that float harmless by,
bring ghosts & demons to ones mind.
And brave, brave hearts do rapidly beat,
as heros hide beneath their sheets.
Those who, in day light, tower tall,
in darkness, tremble and cower small.
With eyes held closed in fear, so tight
they suffer through the dismal night.
I wrote the following poem on 10/11/2016
She watches quietly as ghostly steam rises up
and waits for tea to brew in the delicate cup.
She lingers over this simple pleasure to end each day
while visions of things long past clearly play.
The tiny flowers on the cup brings memories bright
of the single rose he brought each Friday night.
And the gold band that circles the cup she can’t ignore
for it screams of the wedding band she once wore.
The silver spoon that she uses to gently stir sugar in
reminds her of the sweetness of being loved by him.
The steam as it slowly rises and then disappears
reminds her of a life now gone and the many shed tears.
So nightly she sips & savors memories bittersweet
finding uncommon comfort in a teacup so petite.
Nightmares are a plague that torments the soul.
10/25/17
Dreamed I was singing “In the Pines” with Bill Monroe and the Bluegrass boys…..then we did Blue Moon of Kentucky. (What a great dream….I do love bluegrass and to sing along with Bill Monroe playing his mandolin….yep that is quite a dream!)
8/17/2017
People have all sorts of dreams…and down through the ages people have tried to figure out what they mean. Here’s mine from last night. Wonder what it could possibly mean lol.
I was visiting a church in Kentucky-it was a little
tiny church building in a little tiny town. The church sat in the middle of a
very large grassed area that sat right on the corner of 2 country type roads.
The large, old sign read “Church on the Corner” Baptist Church.
When I got there (early) the church yard was already full of people hugging,
talking, all looking happy and excited to be there. They were “almost” overly
welcoming but I didn’t mind, it only added to my anticipation of what was to
come and their enthusiasm. Shortly after I arrived the bell in the bell tower
began to ring and everyone moved into the little white church building. It had
2 columns of wooden pews and there were large windows that ran down both sides
of the church flooding the inside with bright sunlight. It had been warm and
sticky outside but the inside of the church was cool and comfortable. I sat
close to the front and watched as the people poured in. Some taking folding
chairs from the back wall to sit in because the pews were full to overflowing.
A nervous, but smiling young man stepped up to the side of a very old, very worn
wooden pulpit, welcomed everyone and opened in a simple prayer. His nervousness
left as he lifted his arms as the music began. Then the singing started. All
those voices in that small wooden building echoed and bounced off the walls
filling that place with an old hymn in a way I’ve never heard before..What joy
flowed thorough me. On and on the music went…uplifting, enthusiastic. Then the
pastor stepped behind the pulpit and the KJV bible he carried with him was
opened. WOW— the preaching! It was intense, energetic, spirit filled and full
of scripture. People everywhere said “amen”, “preach it Pastor”, “park it
there” some seemed to be so excited they were having trouble staying in their
seats. It went on for well over an hour and no one looked irritated or
frustrated at the length of time. I hung on every word and was filled to
overflowing with the spiritual meal served. When the preaching came to an end
the prayer began and, yes I know it was just a dream, but the prayer was more
intense, more moving, and even more heaven reaching than all that had come
before it. You had to “be there” to understand.
So I don’t know what you did last night but I attended a good old
fashioned church meetin’. It was more than amazing and it was just what I
needed!!!!!
Nov 8, 2015 a dream…
Hell’s mouth is wide open and there is not enough death to satisfy it’s perpetual pains of hunger. The screams of it’s inhabitants escape and supply an unnerving accompaniment to its gorging. The screams from hell intermingle with the riotous laughter of the living who blindly march in double time toward the gaping mouth before them. In the still of the night, from the very bowels of the earth, I hear it as a demonic orchestra playing a ghastly melody and it pushes sleep far away from me. Instead, I am compelled to pray and plead for the souls of those still living. My tears soak the quivering ground beneath me as I cry out to God for there to be one less and one more: One less life wasted One less family destroyed One less soul lost for eternity One more chance to share his love One more chance to tell them how One more soul saved for his glory. One more, dear Father, please just one more….
A Dream from last night:10/2014:
I see a needle and thread .laying on ground. I bend to pick it up and it moves away from me. Over and over until it is laying beside mounds and mounds of fabric and a sewing machine. There is a Bible laying on top of one of the piles of fabric and a note pinned next to the bible that reads, I’ve provided the fabric so don’t stop now. There are many cold, lonely, hurting and needy people to reach. Surround them in prayer, teach them of my comfort and send them off with a quilt to remember it all.
5/26/2014 (a silly silly dream)
Hideous looking aliens or little demons (?) showed up to a music rehearsal I was taking part in and they were being very disruptive trying to hinder or possibly even stop it by scaring everyone. After a few moments I turned and said, “Look, your silliness doesn’t frighten anyone so just stop it or leave. If you can behave yourselves and decide to stay there’s a few things you need to know. One-you have to be respectful of others, Two-you have to pay your own way as no one has extra money to cover your expenses and Three, for goodness sakes-sing on key!” Then I turned back to the other singers and we continued on with the rehearsal. The invaders stood there for a few moments looking slightly confused and a little depressed. As they faded away the volume of the music being rehearsed rose and filled the room once again as we all sang the hymn.
LOL……………….Really..…………..lol!!!
2/3/2013 (Just a snip-it of a
dream I had)
Sitting
in a tiny front room in a tiny apt. on a well used couch….my arms wrapped
around one arm of my husband with my head on his shoulder. I look up into his
eyes, he looks down at me and then kisses me gently on my forehead. I sigh
deeply, tighten my grip, lay my head again on his shoulder and say……………”I know
the whole world is a mess, we have bills we can’t pay, and there’s not much for
dinner but right now -this moment, with you here by my side, everything is
right with the world.” “I’ve missed you so much.”
Then I wake up and my arms are wrapped tightly around a portion of the blanket. I’m alone, nothing is right and immediately I’m in tears. I miss him so much.
(1/6/2013) A rough draft of a dream I had last night…
As I walked towards my car I passed by a neighborhood park where 2 very young and very differently dressed male children were playing near the street
A dog ran towards them, drawn to their laughter and movement. His tail was wagging and he bounced happily in their direction. Assuming they would, like most children, welcome him with hugs and laughter I turned to watch. What I saw instead was the oldest of the two kick the dog with all the might he had in his small body. Though not hurt, having been protected by it’s sheer size, the surprised large dog yelped softly and slinked back. The child stood firm and glared at it. The dog, now hearing the sound of other children playing a short distance away, lost all interest in the two of them and trotted happily off.
I couldn’t believe what I just witnessed I was instantly angry that this mean child just struck out at a playful and innocent dog for no apparent reason. I walked over to him, “Where are your parents?” “They need to know what you just did to that poor animal”. He looked at me hard and cold. He raised his head up, stuck his chin out, and said, “So what, lady, go ahead, tell em.” “They don’t care anyways”.
I said, “Of course they care, where are they?” “Where do you live?” He just stared up at me with the same hard expression he used when looking at the playful dog. “Fine,” I said, “if you won’t tell me, you can tell the police.” He responded with defiant silence but I noticed that he nervously glanced over at the younger boy who was preoccupied playing by himself. He called out to the younger of the two and said something I couldn’t make out. The younger one looked up and said, “Do I have ta? I wanna stay and play”.
I reached into my purse to get out my phone and said to the older boy, “Okay then, I’m calling the police and they can take you both home and speak with your parents about what happened here.” He said, pointing to the other boy, “No, no, lady, he didn’t do noth’in.” “You saw it, It was me that kicked that dumb ol’ dog.” “I’ll show you where I live but first I need ta walk him home.” “You can’t make me leave him here, he’s too little” and then glancing in the direction that the dog had ran off in he continued “and that dog might come back.”
I looked over at the youngest of the two boys then back at the slightly older one and said, “All right, tell me where you live and I’ll take you both home.”
(My dream, as dreams sometimes do, jumped forward in time…..)
They were both in my car and I was pulling up in front of a very large and obviously expensive home in one of the much better areas of town. I was going to walk both of them up to the door and speak with the parents but the younger one said with sad eyes, “Dey not home.” The older child said, “Yeah Lady, you stupid?” “Why would he be with me if they was home?” Then, before I could answer he said to the younger boy, “Go inside and lock the door.” “Don’t let anyone in and stay inside less I come to get ya.” “Member what I told ya fore bout bad peoples.” As he talked to the younger boy I noticed a stern seriousness in his voice and yet there was a softness in his eyes that hadn’t been there before. He showed a mixture of caring and protectiveness toward this little friend of his and I couldn’t’ help but wonder about their story. The younger one said obediently….”Okay”. He then slid out of the car, dropped onto the sidewalk, slowly walked up to the door and let himself in using a key that hung around his neck. I waited wondering if someone would come to the door or a window to look out to see how he had gotten home. No one looked out. I wondered where his parents were. He was so young, much too young to be alone.
I sat there a moment and looked around. Everything looked perfect. The house, the yard, the neighborhood, but it also looked deserted and lonely in it’s perfection. There was no noise, no activity and no one seemed to be anywhere around. Looking deeper into the scene before me made me feel sad and lonely. All working I thought., all working to afford a perfect empty house on the perfect lonely street. I wondered again how that little boy got by being left all alone. I must have said it out loud because an angry little voice answered from beside me, “He’s not alone, he’s got me!”
I prayed and asked God to guide me in all this. There seemed to be so much more to it all than just speaking to a parent about a child kicking a dog.
As I prayed and pulled away from the curb I watched this tough little boy out of the corner of my eye who was not much older than the one that just got out of my car. Maybe 7 or 8, possibly 9. It was hard to tell. He was small with tiny arms. Arms like sticks that were protruding from oversized sleeves. There were a couple of bruises on his arms that I hadn’t noticed before. He needed a bath and new clothes or at least some that were clean and fit him properly. As I watched him I noticed him lick his lips over and over. I wondered if it was a habit, or if he might be thirsty.
I started the car, pulled away from the curb and headed to the other side of town. I didn’t really know where I was going as the directions I was given were vague, to say the least, but I had a general idea and the address that he had reluctantly given me. As I drove, I noticed him lick his lips again so I asked him if he would like something to drink. I was ignored and we drove on in silence.
As I got farther away from where we left the younger of the 2 boys, the scenery changed. The streets got dirtier and the houses that weren’t empty and boarded up were very run down. Many appeared unsafe to live in. Unlike the other neighborhood, here there were many people on the street. Some passed out, some drinking, some just sitting with a blank stare on their face.
There was something else I noticed while driving through the streets. I hadn’t seen one church. Though I didn’t think about it at the time, in the other neighborhood there were lots of large churches throughout the whole area. Large, fancy churches. But here, I saw none. I wondered, where are God’s people? It was so clear they need someone here to bring them the truth of God’s word. But as that thought passed though my mind I saw the perfect neighborhood and their expensive church buildings. Church buildings that appeared empty and lonely just like the homes in that area. They also needed God’s truth just as much. Both places, though very different in appearance, were exactly the same in being filled with lost and needy souls with no one to tell them the truth? Tears filled my eyes and an ache filled my heart. God had placed 2 small, hurting, needy boys in my path that day. Each a tiny representation of neighborhoods they lived in. Tears ran down my cheeks as I drove on.
Something else crossed my mind. I wondered if this little boy sitting next to me had walked, by himself, all this distance to get to the other side of town where I had found him. I remembered his bold stance as he placed himself between the dog and his little friend. He was much braver than I.
A couple arguing loudly brought me back from my thoughts. I slowed the car down for them as they slowly crossed the street. I glanced over at my small passenger. He was looking out the window with longing at a run down fast food place on his side of the car, just a short distance ahead of us. He licked his lips again and swallowed hard.
I said, “Are you hungry? He dropped his eyes, sat rigid and remained silent. I drove on and past the burger place but couldn’t get that look of longing in his eyes out of my mind. He needed to eat so I turned the car around and headed back determined to get some food in this little ones stomach. As I pulled off the street and entered the drive through, I said as chipper as I could, “Well even if you’re not hungry, I am.” “I hate to eat alone so before we get to your house I think I’ll grab something to eat and would like you to join me.” “What do you say, I’m buying?” Silence.
Not deterred by the silence I ordered a couple of hamburgers, fries, a tea for myself and a root beer for him. Then with a whispered prayer for protection I pulled over in the parking lot and parked so we could eat in the car. Looking over at him again, my heart went out to this pretend, angry, little man who was just a lost, scared and hungry child.
I thought how things, many times are not what they seem to be. I thought about how the Lord sees beyond all that and how I had often, and even just this morning, prayed to see things through his eyes and not my own. While thinking on these things this little boy said in a low, pleading voice, “Look lady, you could let me out here.” “I won’t kick any ‘ol dogs again I promise, (then he paused a moment and added) well, that is unless one tries ta hurt Billy.” “You can take me home but probly no one will be there just like at Billy’s house.”
I said, “Let’s eat first before we decide anything, okay”
I bowed my head and prayed out loud, thanking God for the food, for getting to meet my 2 new friends and I asked that both of them come to know Jesus as their Saviour. When I opened my eyes he was staring at me with a confused expression. Once he realized I was looking back at him, he quickly looked away and stared straight ahead. I took a burger and the straws out of the bag. I placed a straw in each drink that were in the cup holders and then moved the bag with the remaining food a bit closer to him. My actions were met with no movement and continued silence from his side of the car. I slowly unwrapped the burger and held it close to my nose. I took a big, overly exaggerated sniff and said, “This smells yummy” and surprisingly it really did smell terrific. I took a small bite and chewed as I watched him out of the corner of my eye. He swallowed hard a few times and glanced at the bag with the food in it. I said nothing as I ate, taking tiny bites allowing him more time to smell and think about the food next to him, praying he’d get the courage to set aside his pride and eat.
I finally said, “Wow, this tastes great but I’m getting so full. I hate to throw the other one out and I sure hope you drink the root beer because I don’t like root beer and it will just go to waste. He turned and looked full at me, stared for a moment, and said, “Then why’d ya buy it, lady? That’s kinda stupid to buy somethin’ ya don’t even like”. He took the drink from the cup holder and gulped down half the liquid at once. He then opened the bag and began to eat. Slowly at first then, all at once, he was taking great bites, almost swallowing without taking time to chew. The 2 orders of fries and burger disappeared within what seemed to be mere seconds. He then, with loud slurping noises, finished the root beer. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve and leaded back against the seat. My heart melted. I bet this precious child had not eaten for a very, very long time.
As he sat there he looked around at the inside
of my small and simple car. He said making it sound more like a statement
rather than a question, “Boy lady, are ya rich?. I smiled at him then I
took a chance and asked, “Can you tell me why you kicked that dog, I really
want to understand?” He sat up straight and it looked like he was going
to return to his prior hardened and silent self but then he lowered his head
and answered softly, “I didn’t mean to hurt him really”. “I like dogs, some of
them is fun to play with and it tickles your face when they lick ya.” “Yeah,
most of them is okay but some can be bad.” “I saw a bad dog run up and bite a
kid once so I had to kick him so if he was the bad kind he wouldn’t bite
Billy.” He raised his head, looked directly in my eyes and said with the
first smile he’d shown, “Billy’s just a goofy little kid and needs someone ta
watch out for him.”
“I
know things so I take care of him, ya know?” “I protects him.”
I thought about it for a moment then said, “Oh, I see, you were protecting Billy because you didn’t want the dog to bite him.” “If you thought he might bite Billy then it was a very brave thing to do for you to stand up to the dog like that.” “Didn’t you think he might bite you?”
“Naw, I’m bigger and can take care of myself.” “I’m not afraid of some ol’ stupid dog.” he said.
I waited then said, “Hmmmmm, you called your friend Billy.” “Now I know his name but I don’t know yours.”
I held out my hand and said, “I’m Miss Rhonda and I’m happy to meet you.” What do I call you?”
“Danny. I’m Danny.” he said as I shook his tiny hand.
I said, “Danny it’s real nice that you look out for Billy, you’re a good friend.” “I’m curious though, you live a long way from where Billy lives, how did you ever meet him?”
He didn’t say anything for few moments, appearing to be deep in thought, as if he was trying to decide if he could trust me.. Then he took a deep breath and slowly surrendered his story. “I was in that place, ya know the place where us kids go when we get in trouble cause our moms and dads don’t want us for a while.” “It’s not a bad place if you’re big and tough like me so none of the other kids can push ya around.” “Ya gets lots of food and can play with toys and stuff” “They have a T.V. that plays movies and ya get to sleep in a real bed all by yourself”. “I like it there but every time after a little while they take me to a big room where my mom is. She tells the peoples that she really loves me and wants me and she’ll stay home and be good.” “Lots of peoples talk about it and then I go home with her again” Quietly he added, “They never ask me what I want.”
“Ya know, I heard her tell a mean man that was staying at our house that she don’t get any monies when I’m at that other place.” “She told him that she had to go to her pointment so they wouldn’t take me back there cause if they do they didn’t send her the monies.” “They was fighting and he was screaming bout her leaving ta go see the peoples that give her the monies.” He paused then added softly, “Fore that I didn’t know they sent her monies to keep me away from there.”
He took a deep breath and continued. “Anyways, when I was there the last time I was just playing by myself and bothering no body then I saw them bring Billy in.” “You know he’s just little so he was crying cause he was scared.” “I was watching cause I knew he was busy crying hard and it was a good thing I was watching too, cause when they gave us all a cookie to eat so he’d quit crying a big kid tried to sneak Billy’s. cookie” “I got mad and made that kid give back the cookie.” “I took care of him cause he’s just little and he cried a lot and he don’t know a lot like I do.” He looked up and said in a much smaller voice, “I used ta take care of my baby sister but they took her one time when they took me.” “I had ta go back with my mom but I think somebody else musta took her ta ‘nother house cause now she don’t live with my mom so I don’t have ta take care of her anymore.” “I guess new peoples take care of her now. I think she might be okay with the new peoples though.”
“Now I just take care of Billy.”
I said, “I’m sorry about your sister, Danny.” “I’m sure you miss her a lot.”
The two of us sat in silence for a few moments, then I said, “I understand that you took care of Billy in the children’s home but how did you find him after you both got sent home?”
“Oh, I forgot ta tell ya.” “He’s little but he know’d his address and phone number so I made him say it a lot, over and over while we was together so I could know it too.” “They took him first then when I got out I asked a lot of peoples and then figured out how ta get ta his house.” I watched and saw him there so I knew it was his house.” ” I’d go there and wait then I saw his mom leave but he didn’t go with her so I just went up and knocked on the door,” he said with a big smile. “I s’prised him so much”. “I’m smart and I know how ta do things like that cause I’m bigger.” he finished with a smile.
“You are smart young man and brave.” I said. “And you did a good thing looking out for Billy”. He smiled up at me.
I said, “Danny, do you think others should do what you did for Billy?” “Look after those that are smaller than them?”
He said, “Well sure lady, all the little kids need ta be taken care of.”
As I looked into his large eyes I just knew I was going to be seeing a lot of this small courageous child and many others like him.
I said softly, “You’re right Danny, you are so right.” “Do you know that there is someone named Jesus that loves you more than anyone ever has and loves Billy and your sister even more than you do?” “Would you like to get to know him?”
He looked up at me with eyes wide open and a tender heart ready to learn about Jesus.
I reached for my Bible…..
…………………………I woke up.
5) finally “sleep”then “nightmare” — knock, knock, knock on the front door. Looking out can’t see anyone. Knock, Knock, Knock on the front door. Again looking though peep hole and then also out the window….nothing. KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK….I decide to open the door because after all we have a security screen and someone surely is there. Three beings are standing on the other side of the screen. Their faces are expressionless but their overall appearance shifts back and forth from humanoid to demon to humanoid. Behind them in the background flowing over my front yard and onto the street are many many more but vague and almost invisible in appearance. Seeing this and not willing to even acknowledge them I attempt to shut the door. As I do, the one standing in the front steps forward. His body passes easily through the steel security screen walking expressionless into my home. And even though the door is now closed more and more enter in filling my home from wall to wall, ceiling to floor. I have dropped to my knees praying, pleading the blood of Christ……………then I am awaken by my door bell really ringing. OKAY, I am definitely awake now.
4) A reoccurring dream – in the dream the people, place and activities change but the end is always the same. People going about their normal activities, shopping, playing with their kids, school, etc when a small rumble starts in the distance. They don’t seem aware. It grows louder, the sky darkens and they don’t notice. I run and try to warn them of the coming danger but they don’t see or hear me, like I’m not there. A mouth forms and comes closer, larger, larger and closer until it swallows everyone up—all the while they never stop what they are doing until they are inside the mouth. Then the screams start and I wake up.
(There are times I feel like, just for a moment or two, I can hear the the screams even after I wake up.)
3) A dream that woke me up last night…..
When I walked in the doors of B_____ Baptist Church, my pastor (in the center behind the pulpit) with 2 of my old “Friends” standing one on each side of him -at the front of the church were *waiting*.
David, (one of the two), held up a necklace that had 3 bells on it (like the one that was given to me as part of an initiation ritual years ago). He smiled, then held it out to me….and they all smiled…. EKKKKKKK!
Awake….I am awake!
Goodness, you’d think after all this time these stupid dreams would stop!
2) a dream//nightmare from last night……
It was night time and very dark outside…..a
cute cuddly lion cub mewing melodiously and clawing at all the windows and
doors was circling the house, distraught and desperately wanting in. At first,
I am tempted, as he is so precious and seems frightened, alone, needy and so
vulnerable. Yes he “needs” me and I “have” to help.
BUT
as I go to rescue him something stops and holds me in place. From deep inside
it warns that what I am seeing is not right! A trick maybe? A deception of some
kind? Then a voice on the wind calls out saying to me, “No, believe what you
see, heeeelp me”. So I take one more step closer to the door and there rises a
sick feeling of evil in the pit of my stomach that moves up into my throat,
choking me and a strangled sound escapes from deep within me falling heavy into
the night air silencing the voice on the wind. Again I am stopped, stilled by a
kind, protective, and unseen hand and I willingly stand motionless within its
grip as the hours pass.
Though
no longer moving closer to the door to rescue the pitiful animal, I have no
choice but to listen as the tiny cub tries to get in. There is no way to escape
the sound of it. The crying, neediness, and begging grows louder and more
desperate through out the night. As dawn approaches, the cries grow stronger
and more demanding. Louder and louder and louder…the sound echoes off the walls
and in my head searing into me causing physical pain. The feeling of evil grows
with the sound and it permeates my soul causing a spiritual pain while a vile smell
hangs in the darkness.
I
“feel” that I can stop all this by opening the door. Just…open…the….door!
It
would be so easy, says a mewing voice that sings to me over and over lulling me
into a hypnotic state. BUT……that unseen hand holds me tight with gentle warning
and surrounds me in a protectiveness and peace I’ve never felt before. So I
allow the sound and pain to continue and choose to do nothing but wait within
the grasp of the unseen hand.
Finally
the sun rises, bringing bright, —- warm glorious light! It casts away all
shadows and illusions. The cub needing rescued is revealed to be a full grown
lion with hideous claws and deformed razor sharp teeth, hungry and waiting to
devour anyone that will let him in or wander out into his territory. The
vile smell now comes from his breath as he roars in anger and defeat at the
sunlight that beats down on him. It appears to be a physical thing that pushes
heavy on his back, causing his muscles to strain as he turns to walk away. I am
so grateful that I was protected and held throughout the night by the unseen
hand. I am relieved that he is moving away from me and my home.
Then
he stops, and with a penetrating look full of disdain and hate, he glances over
his shoulder locking eyes with mine for just a moment and I know that he will
return to try again another night.
I wake up with I Peter 5:8 on my lips, comfort surrounding me and praise in my heart. What a night!
1) Dreams invade my sleep or in my case, maybe it is the other way around. Tonight, in my dream, an eagle and a wolf circle my home demanding my attention. They are demanding but not aggressive. There is haunting “flute” music in the background that cause the clouds to dance across the sky. Their dancing causes the moon light to come and go as the melody rises and falls and they pass before the moon. The wolf howls and the screech of the eagle echos through the night creating music even more haunting than the flute. At times, the music seems to come from within me, my heart beating in time to its leading. Notes ring in my ears….beautiful sounds swirl inside my head calling out to me. The eagle has something in it’s talons….a Bible! As the wolf howls and the eagle screeches the Bible is dropped at my feet. It is aged leather with faded lettering on delicate pages that are trimmed in gold. The moonlight hits it and it seems to glow in a beauty I’ve never beheld. I reach to pick this priceless treasure up and I wake up with my hand reaching out to the bible I keep at my bedside.
Some days I read or see something that reminds me of a poem I wrote. It is then I think I really should put them all together into a book of some sort. Then just as fast as that thought comes it passes with the thought of oh who cares. They are just words that will pass in time never to be uttered again.
A new life
Recently I injured one hand and wrist so I am unable to do the things I normally do. If I want them to heal I have no choice but to limit my use of them. That is extremely difficult for me. Not only do I simply find it uncomfortable sitting with my hands idle but I miss the enjoyment that comes to me while working with my hands. When my hands are busy creating my mind is quiet. Whether I’m counting single crochet stitches while working on a new afghan pattern, cutting out pieces for a quilt or carefully hand stitching beads and lace on a Victorian doll I am focused and productive. These things make me happy. Another thing that makes me happy is writing. Everyone that knows me at all knows that I am drawn to words. They are, to me, like carefully selected pigment on canvas. They paint and preserve all that we see, think and feel. They embellish and capture the world around us in a magical, artistic way. In truth, I always want to write but I attempt to keep that want in quiet submission. Instead I contently busy myself creating something that I may be able to sell in the future. Occasionally though, for the sake of my mental health, I do indulge and allow myself time to write because it is restorative, therapeutic and healing. I also strongly feel it is historically important for future generations to write and preserve thoughts, ideas, family happenings and stories of today but- it does not pay the bills so as important as I feel it is and as driven and dogmatic as I can be about it I often stifle my desire to write.Temporally though I can not do the hand work that makes me happy and helps to provide extra income. During this necessary healing but idle time writing has become paramount on my mind. More than ever words are multiplying and screaming to be acknowledged. They explode in bright colors making attention seeking sounds as they bounce around looking for an escape door. Words that make up the one liners, the short stories, the historical memories and the many poems I hold inside me are all pushing and shoving to get out. They want to be researched, examined, and nurtured. They want to stretch and grow into detailed maturity. They want a new home, one that is free from the restrictive area in which they now reside and they dream longingly to be drafted onto a piece of uninhabited, smooth paper. They want to be read, appreciated and honestly critiqued by a discerning eye. Their desire to come forth and be allowed to fulfill their natural calling has grown stronger day by day and within the past few hours it has become more compelling than ever. The words move into position and bare down hard, readying themselves to be born. The time is so near that even I can feel their labor pains. Soon…very soon a new life made of infant words will be born. What joy!
exhaustion demands that I sleep but nightmares abound……………..so……………. I doze in and out of sleep while riding through horrors indescribable…..
April 5, 2016 · Shared with Your friends
I like new words, old words, kind words, intense words, passionate words, mysterious words, loud words, whispered words, and words bumping into each other. I like words that make people giggle, cry, sigh, dream, create, imagine, desire, work harder and that take a persons breath away causing them to simply sit in silence for a time. I like words that teach, encourage, comfort, and calm. I like words that rhyme, words set to music and words that hang in the air as if by magic. I like words that reach to heaven and those that dwell in the heart of others. I like words written in red, words that spread across pages, ages and stages of humanity. I like the words, “In the beginning”, the last “Amen” and all those that fall between ………………………
Someone I know is going to Tennessee and just her mentioning it brought back a flood of memories from my childhood.
Outdoor concerts on Sunday afternoons in Centennial Park where the “stars” would play for free and no one attacked them or thought it was strange that they acted like they were just normal folks because they were.
Nights at the the Ryman Auditorium – Grand Ole Opry, (the OLD Opry house), where us kids would sit on the edge of the stage and watch the performers square dance and make wonderful music. After the show ended many would meet at the Ernest Tubb Record Shop where even more music and memories would be made. I remember standing outside in the bitter cold air (and sometimes snow flurries) listening to the singing and guitar playing. All that was going on around me, including the weather would fade away as I drank in the sounds like a person parched. Many times I would sit in the back seat of the car (a 54 Chevy) dozing off with those songs weaving in and out of my dreams as we drove home from such a day.
There was fishing on a regular basis where the bait was worms that were dug up from our own yards. I remember the amazing rain storms where you could almost touch the clouds and the thunder was so close and loud that it seemed to shake the very ground you stood on and the lightening was so bright it would, for just a moment, light up everything around you like it was midday.
The smell of honeysuckle and the sweet taste of its nectar when we’d pluck a blossom off and suck on the middle part of the flower. The feel of the switch across my legs if I pulled too many of the blossoms off and left the vine flowerless because, as my grandmother would say, “You know better than that young lady”.
Us girls pulling clover, ( while being very careful not to anger the bumble bees) weaving it together to make crowns so we could pretend to be fairies that lived under the huge trees that were everywhere you looked .
Pulling a long thick blade of grass then holding it tightly between our thumbs so we could blow between our thumbs getting, hopefully, the loudest whistle of all to win the simple contest.
Catching lightening bugs in a mason jar in the early evening or catching June bugs so we could have a grownup or older kid tie a piece of light weight string or thread around one of it’s wings. It would fly round and round above our heads for just a little while until my grandmother would say that’s enough you don’t want to kill it do you? She’d take the sting off and away it would fly while I’d run off in search to find another one.
The sound of the babies cooing and playing on the well worn, handmade quilts that were spread out in the shade and grownups talking, laughing and some even singing (in their heavy but slow talking southern drawl) as they all sat on the porch in rocking chairs drinking sweet tea.
I cherish every one of those memories. It was a wonderful, magical time that is still very much alive inside me.
