Thinking out loud about dreams

I am a vivid dreamer and yes, because someone always asks me,  I dream in color.  I have no trouble remembering, in detail,  the dreams I have. Actually it’s something I worked at and trained myself to do when I was younger and extremely foolish!

I do have “normal” dreams of  everyday things, simple memories, problem solving and reflections of something I read or experienced. They come and go without issue. Some bring forth wonderful memories of past times, places and people.  Even though it can be bittersweet due to the fact that the people are no longer near, it can be  nice to relive those memories. Sometimes I wake up a bit sad,  with a deep longing to see them again and other times I simply wake with a smile on my face content with the time I had with them even though it was in a dream.

I  have also had prophetic dreams though not as much now as in my past.   Now when I have one I simply write it down with the date and wait and see. I mean really, what good are they?  I used to want them, but not now.  They serve no purpose and are  unnerving.

Sometimes though, my dreams involve betrayal, deception and mental or  physical pain.  The betrayal dreams are the worse of this group.   Being betrayed is beyond horrible ……I wake deeply hurt and many times it takes a while to move past the emotions that the dream stirs up.  If the betrayal actually took place and the dream is a memory of that past betrayal, it can (at times) trigger depression. I hurt deeply again over the old betrayal and it takes time to move past the depression.  I really don’t understand when this happens because it’s over and what’s in the past shouldn’t cause me to actually relive the pain to such a degree. The only thing I can figure is  it’s not as “over” as I told myself it was.    I’m working on this.

BUT…..then there are  the nightmares. 

they  slither forth from the darkness like a plague bringing images of devils, blood sacrifices and rituals. The spiritual battles set my mind and body on fire as the evil plays out in intense, dark detail.  Sometimes, but not always,  in these dreams I can see, smell and feel the heat from the very mouth of hell.  Souls of those I know and love teeter unsteady at the edge where, any moment they could plunge into eternity as the spiritual battles storm all around me.

Most of the time these dreams are about the demons trying to pull me back to my old life.  The onslaught rages and I am weakened in these dreams.   In my weakness I  become tempted but  never have  I given in  and that  infuriates them.  They hate me and their loathing manifests in physical and mental torture. 

These dreams are insidious. They always start out innocently and then morph into hideous, depraved savagery.    I desperately search my mind and heart  for my Lords words. The verses flash before my eyes but they are distorted and veiled.   Over and over I attempt to cry out to God but words will not come.    As the evil manifests itself in grotesque detail all around me I scream out to God, in my mind, trusting that he can hear me though I have no voice. These dreams  leave me exhausted, drained and weak.

Last night I had one of these nightmares….